Why Couples Who Try New Things Together Have Stronger Relationships: The Research
The link between shared novel experience and relationship quality is one of the more consistently replicated findings in relationship science. Couples who regularly introduce genuinely new experiences into their shared life report higher relationship satisfaction, stronger feelings of attraction toward their partner, and greater relationship commitment than couples who spend their time in familiar, comfortable activities. The mechanism is interesting and worth understanding.
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The Self-Expansion Model
Psychologist Arthur Aron’s self-expansion model proposes that humans are fundamentally motivated to expand their sense of self — their knowledge, abilities, and experiences. Early in a relationship, this expansion happens naturally and rapidly: you are learning about a new person, experiencing their world, and incorporating their perspectives into your own. This is one of the reasons early-stage relationships feel so energizing.
As relationships mature and partners become familiar with each other, the natural rate of self-expansion through the relationship slows. Aron’s research shows that deliberately introducing novel experiences reinvigorates this process — and that couples who do this consistently maintain higher attraction and satisfaction.
The Specific Mechanism in Studies
In Aron’s landmark studies, couples who completed novel, moderately challenging activities together — activities designed to feel a little awkward and require cooperation — showed significantly greater relationship quality immediately after the activity than couples who completed pleasant but familiar activities. The key was novelty and mild challenge, not just positive experience. A familiar pleasant activity did not produce the same effect.
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What Counts as Novel
Novelty is relative to the relationship’s history, not to an abstract standard. Something new to your relationship produces the self-expansion effect regardless of whether it is objectively unusual. The first time you cook a cuisine you have never made together, the first time you take a dance class, the first time you try something new in the bedroom — all of these qualify as novel in the relevant sense, provided they are genuinely new to both of you.
The Practical Implication
A relationship maintenance practice that takes the research seriously would include regular introduction of genuinely new shared experiences. These do not need to be dramatic or expensive. The research specifically shows that the novelty and mild challenge matter more than the scope or cost of the activity.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Does science support the idea that trying new things strengthens relationships?
Yes. Arthur Aron’s self-expansion model and multiple experimental studies show that couples who engage in novel, moderately challenging activities together show greater relationship satisfaction and attraction than those who stick to familiar pleasant activities.
What kind of new experiences strengthen a relationship?
Research suggests that the key factors are novelty (genuinely new to the relationship) and mild challenge (requiring some cooperation and taking you slightly outside your comfort zone). The specific activity matters less than these two properties.
How often should couples try new things together?
Regular introduction of novel experiences — roughly monthly at minimum — maintains the self-expansion effect that characterizes strong long-term relationships. More frequent small novelties are better than infrequent large ones.
Why do couples stop trying new things together?
Comfort and routine are natural outcomes of familiarity. The early relationship stage involves constant natural novelty, and couples rarely replace this deliberately when it fades. Awareness of the mechanism helps — understanding that declining novelty is structural rather than a sign of incompatibility makes deliberate effort easier to maintain.
Can trying new things in the bedroom improve a relationship?
Yes, as a specific case of the general principle. Novel intimate experiences produce the self-expansion effect in addition to the direct benefits of intimate connection. Research on couples who intentionally introduce novelty into their intimate lives shows consistently positive relationship outcomes.